Men After 50: Breaking Free from Your Father’s Expectations (Midlife Resurrection Series - Part 5)

How midlife men can let go of old blueprints and create their own path.

Many midlife men still live under the shadow of their fathers’ expectations — chasing approval, success, or strength defined by someone else’s rules. But what happens when those inherited blueprints no longer fit your life?

In this episode of Midlife Man Rising, experiential psychologist Nelson Pahl, Ph.D., explores why so many men after 50 feel stuck in identity loss, midlife crisis depression, or a restless need for reinvention. Drawing on research and lived experience, he reveals how midlife is not just decline — it’s a season of transformation, plasticity, and freedom.

You’ll learn:

• Why unresolved father-son dynamics surface in midlife
• How to recognize when you’re carrying a story that isn’t yours
• Why this stage of life is a powerful opportunity for midlife reinvention
• A simple, evidence-based somatic exercise (Voo Breathing) to help release old approval-seeking patterns

If you’re ready to shed the weight of your father’s unfinished dream and embrace your own midlife makeover, this episode is for you.

Topics in this Episode

• Fatherly expectations & midlife identity (0:23)
• Why old stories resurface after 50 (0:51)
• Science of midlife reinvention (1:17)
• Living your own blueprint, not his (2:57)
• Voo Breathing for nervous system reset (2:45)

Healing Links

28-Day Challenge: Resurrection Camp

Supporting Links

Empirical Research: Adult Male Identity Formation
Empirical Research: Midlife as Developmental Pivot Point

Next Episode: Men After 50: The Midlife Resurrection (Midlife Resurrection Series - Part 6)

About the Host

Nelson Pahl, Ph.D. is an experiential psychologist that helps midlife men move from midlife crisis depression to midlife reinvention. Through his proprietary approaches — Resurrection Camp, the Six Stones Retreat Arc, and his Legacy Lab — he guides men after 50 through identity loss, midlife transformation, and personal reinvention. He's also author of the book, Escaping Sartre's Hell: A Guide for Self-Validation in Midlife.

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Transcript

If you’re a man after 50, let’s be honest:

Some of the heaviest weight we ever carry isn’t just work, or family, or money…

It’s the shadow…of our fathers.

That quiet voice asking, “Did I make him proud? Or did I fall short?”

In fact, a  2005 study, published in Families in Society The Journal of Contemporary Social Services, finds that the type of relationship a man had with his father during childhood has great influence on his self-esteem in adulthood.

Now, you might be asking, “But Nelson, why would that matter now that I’m in my forties, fifties, or sixties?”

Well, to answer this question…let’s stick to the research.

A 2014 study, this one published in the International Journal of Behavioral Development, finds that midlife represents "multidirectionality, variability, and plasticity in the nature and direction of change in physical health, cognitive functioning, and well-being during the middle years of the life course."

In other words, this explains why previously buried issues can surface - because…midlife is inherently a period of psychological transition and reassessment.

So, that guiding voice in your head? There’s a good chance it’s not yours but his.

Maybe he told you to work harder. Perhaps he told you emotions are weakness. 

Maybe he told you financial success is the true measure of a man’s worth.

And whether he said it with words…or with silence, like my dad…you carried it. Into your work. Your relationships. Your own identity.

My name’s Nelson Pahl. I’m an experiential psychologist that makes it easy for Men After 50 - that is, my Gen X peers - to reclaim identity and reinvent themselves.

And in this episode, we’re talking about the burden of expectations.

I hear it all the time in men I work with. And, at one time, I felt it myself. Absolutely, I’ve felt it myself.

This sense that, no matter what I accomplish or how beautiful I’ve become as a person or how strong I become as a man, I’m not enough because I’m not living the life my dad imagined for me.

But here’s the truth: your father’s blueprint for you wasn’t meant to fit your story.

How could it? He lived by rules forged in another time.

He could’ve never imagined navigating the world you now navigate at this age. He simply couldn’t. Our world changes by the day, not the decade.

Here’s another truth: You are not your father’s unfinished dream.

Your path, your failures, your wins, your meaning — they’re yours to define.

You see, when we hit midlife, we get this chance to rewrite the rules.

Not out of rebellion. Not out of anger.

But out of freedom — the freedom to finally live life as our story.

So, here’s an evidence-based somatic exercise to get you on the road to resolving this plight. It’s called Voo Breathing.

It’s particularly beneficial to men managing emotional weight and stress. (angst)

How does it do this?

It fosters a sense of calm and grounding by improving your mind-body connection.

I know you’ve probably heard that phrase a thousand times, regarding everything from yoga to tai chi to that tired cliche phrase “mindfulness”.

But give this one a try. It’s hand-picked just for you.

And it only takes 5-10 minutes, and it can be done anywhere.

Here’s what you do:

1. Sit comfortably with your back straight, shoulders relaxed
2. Take a few deep breaths in through your nose…and exhaled through your nose
3. Now, inhale deeply, and on the exhale, make the sound 'voo' - like a low, gentle vibration
4. Feel that vibration in your chest and diaphragm - that's where a lot of that old approval-seeking tension lives
5. Repeat this for 5 cycles: breathe in... then 'vooooo' out
6. Notice how your body feels different afterward

This simple exercise helps activate your vagus nerve and literally calms the part of your nervous system that's been carrying your father's voice all these years.

In Conclusion...

If you’ve ever felt crushed by those expectations — or any other expectations…

if you’re tired of carrying that invisible weight 

I created a powerful 28-day challenge called Resurrection Camp. It’ll help you retain autonomy and reinvent yourself going forward. I invite you to enroll today. You can find out more at Resurrection.Camp.

Until next time…