Men After 50: What We Secretly Grieve as a Midlife Man...But Never Admit (Mini-Course - Part 1)

In this episode of Midlife Man Rising, we explore why men after 50 often discover that midlife isn’t a crisis but a crossroads — a turning point between identity loss and personal reinvention.

Hosted by experiential psychologist Nelson Pahl, Ph.D., Good Grief, John Doe — a 3-part limited series — helps the midlife man navigate midlife transformation by reclaiming identity, reestablishing purpose, and finding meaning after loss: the loss of youth, energy, roles, relationships, and direction.

Each episode blends practical tools and experiential practices to help men after 50 and men after 40 process midlife crisis depression, shed outdated identities, and step into a midlife makeover that feels authentic.

In this episode, Part 1, Nelson explains how midlife, for a man, is really a grief event — the death of former selves — and he offers a simple practice to start addressing this midlife grief.

Episode Highlights

• The Old Map No Longer Works
• Midlife Crisis as Grief
• What Men After 50 Rarely Admit
• Language for the Ache
• Writing a Midlife Elegy
• Elegy Prompts for Men After 50
• A Midlife Elegy Example

Healing Links

5-Day Challenge: Resurrection Camp

Supporting Links

EBSCO Research: Midlife Crisis Statistics & Definitions
Academic Article: Jungian Individuation Theory
Professional Article: “The Grief of Midlife Crisis”
Academic Resource: Masculinity and Grief

Next Episode: Men After 50: Sensory Mapping for Calming Midlife Angst (Good Grief, John Doe mini-course - Part 2)

About the Host

Nelson Pahl, Ph.D. is an experiential psychologist that helps midlife men move from midlife crisis depression to midlife reinvention. Through his proprietary approaches — Resurrection Camp, the Six Stones Retreat Arc, and his Legacy Lab — he guides men after 50 through identity loss, midlife transformation, and personal reinvention. He's also author of the book, Escaping Sartre's Hell: A Guide for Self-Validation in Midlife.

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Transcript

There comes a point in a man’s life — often quiet, often unannounced — where the map he’s been using no longer leads the way.

The goals, the roles, the routines… they all begin to feel off. Not necessarily broken. Just… misaligned.

That feeling? It’s not weakness. It’s certainly not failure.

Truth be told, midlife is…a grief event. It’s the death of former identities. The athlete. The romantic. The dreamer. The son. The hero.

My name's Nelson Pahl. I'm an experiential psychologist that makes it easy for midlife men to reclaim identity and reinvent themselves.

And this is part 1 of the Good Grief, John Doe audio mini-course.

 What We Actually)Lose in Midlife...But Rarely Admit)

• The body we once had
• The energy we once felt
• An old dream that quietly died
• Status or success that didn’t satisfy
• A version of ourselves we can’t get back
• A relationship that grew distant
• A sense of meaning or mission

We don’t grieve those things — at least, not openly.

We bury them in overwork. We numb them with distractions.

But deep down…

There’s an ache we have yet to name.

Today, we begin by doing something most men are never invited to do:

We give language to that ache.

Not to fix it. Not to solve it.

Just to say: This mattered. This was real. This is gone.

YOUR PRACTICE: WRITE AN Elegy for WHAT’S MISSING

Don’t worry about being poetic.

Just write short prose that’s honest and tells the truth.

Here are a few prompts to get you started.

Let them sit with you for a moment.

But don’t overthink — just lean into what’s true.

Pause the video if and when you need to.

Set a time limit of 10 minutes.

You can write it. Or speak it as an audio note.

What matters is that you begin. You give voice to what’s never been voiced.

I’ll ask you these prompts from a first person perspective

• What have I quietly lost but never named?
  
  
• What am I pretending not to grieve?
  
  
• What part of me have I outgrown… but still cling to?
  
  
• Whose approval am I still chasing — and why?

OK, now, let’s take the information we gathered from those prompts…

And turn it into a very short elegy.

Here’s an example of how you might frame what you just uncovered.

“Your laughter, once so bright, now only echoes softly. Your absence leaves a space, a silent, empty part of me.” 

This captures the essence of our “loss and remembrance” in an efficient & concise form. 

And that elegy? That was something I wrote to a former identity of mine…after the actual midlife assimilation that I was no longer a son.

And there you have it, Part #1 of the Good Grief, John Doe mini course.

Remember, this work matters…even if no one else sees it.

And, if this practice has opened a door for you and you’re ready for deeper work, check out my 28-day challenge, Resurrection Camp. You’ll find that link in the show notes of this video.

Otherwise, I’ll see you in Part 2, where we’ll talk about Sensory Mapping, and I’ll give you my story.

Until next time...